synonyms for happiness

Saturday, September 27, 2008


Vegetarianism: Well, it's been over half a year since I made the decision to become a vegetarian and since I made that last post. I haven't knowingly eaten meat since. I won't say I never will, because I honestly don't know what will happen in the future, but in the near future, I don't think I will be eating any animals.
College: I'm in college now. I'm at Allegheny College, in Meadville, Pennsylvania. I like it. I think college is good for me, academically at least. I'm not homesick, but I do miss the metropolitanism of Ann Arbor.
Italy: I went there. Last April. It was definitely the greatest trip I ever took with my class and probably the greatest trip I have ever taken. Period. It may be the greatest trip I will ever take. It will be pretty hard to top, that's for sure. Italy was beautiful and amazing, and our class was amazing and our chaperones were amazing.
Social Life: I don't really have one. I'm not sure if I even want one. I mean, I don't want to drink. I just don't. I really don't care if other people do, as long as it doesn't make them do unbearably stupid things, but I don't want to. And I don't want to be ridiculed because I don't want to. And I guess I'm scared. I can't really say of what. I've never really had to make friends. I mean, I can talk to people, sure, but there seems to be some secret to making friends that I just simply don't know. And it would seem to be something that can't really be taught or learned. I guess I'm just going on the hope that sometime in these four years I will meet at least one person whose interests align enough with mine that they actually decide I'm a worthwhile person to have around. I wouldn't say my self-esteem is low, at least not in all areas. I mean, academically, I'm really smart, I'm doing well in all my classes, which is pretty much how I expected things to be, all though I didn't really say that to anyone because I don't want to sound pompous. And I think I'm pretty interesting and funny, but somehow that doesn't come across to people I don't know. My mom says that sometimes I give off a sort of stuck-up vibe. It's not intentional, or at least not consciously intentional, but I think that maybe she's right. I sometimes have a kind of wall built up around me because I judge people too quickly. I think, "oh, she likes to drink, so she must be a floozy". "She giggles and bats her eyelashes whenever there's a guy around, so she must be unintelligent." "He raises his hand a lot in class, so he must be as smart as I am and interested in the exact same thing" "She likes to read, she must have no social life, like me!" . . . I mean, of course, it's not always that bad, but really, that's what I do, unconsciously. Most of what I know about "average" people my age I've read in young adult fiction, some good and some bad, but all definitely fictional. Sometimes YA fiction gives an accurate view of the deep and complex person that is the American teenager, but sometimes it can reduce people to a two-dimensional character that is easy to relate to, but almost non-existent, and not very interesting in real life. Also, there are a lot of books about bookish people who make friends really easily and that kind of gives me this false sense of hope that I'll be reading in the library one day and some amazingly hot (in a nerdy way) guy will come up to me and be like "Wow, I love Tolstoy too! What do you think of him" and we'll have like a 3 hour discussion about Anna Karenina and then he'll ask me out to dinner and then he'll kiss me and we'll live happily ever after. Not that I blame it on the books, I mean, logically, if you asked me, I'd say I know that there's no chance of that ever happening to me, even if I were skinny, but there's still this part of me that will not be convinced that those scenarios are utterly impossible. The question still remains though, whether I even want a social life. I mean, I wouldn't turn one down, but I don't really get lonely. Or if I do, I always have my cell phone with all of my friends from home on speed dial. Plus, my roommate and I get along really well, even though she's a conservative republican, and I often hang out with her and her friends from high school who also go to Allegheny. But I haven't had too many moments where I really went "gee I wish I had a friend to hang out with right now" I mean, maybe I'm just really good at pushing those kinds of thoughts out of my head, but my biggest problem with my situation right now (virtually friendless) is what everyone else I know will think of it. Erin and Chloe have both made friends at there respective colleges. Chelsey and Laura have each other, and also have friends (at least, Laura does) and Carly has also met people. I'm not jealous, but I just don't want them thinking I'm some sort of weirdo. I mean, I know these are the people who will love me, no matter what I do, but the thing is, their's are the opinions that matter most to me. I don't care if anyone here gives me a weird glance as I sit in the cafeteria, reading for my english class, but I wouldn't want any of my friends to think I was pathetic. So that's my dilemma. I don't think I'm really going to change anything, not really soon anyway. I'll see what things are like halfway through the next semester, when I have to start thinking about a roommate for next year . . .
Showers: On a completely different college note, I'd like to talk about showering in a dorm. This is a little explanation of my showering process. (Nothing explicit, don't worry)
1. Take off everything in my room that I don't need to wear to the bathroom. This includes non-shower shoes and my shirt because I'm usually wearing a tank top underneath. Also socks.
2. Gather up shower materials. Make sure all toiletries are in my caddy, grab towel and pyjamas to put on when I get out.
3. Head to the shower. Remember to prop the door open, especially if Zada's not home.
4. Put shower caddy on floor next to stall closest to the door. I've found that this one has the best flow. Put toiletries in shower.
5. Take towel into bathroom stall (handicap one, because it has a shelf to set things on, far enough from the toilet so that nothing falls in) and take off clothes.
6. Come out in towel, put dirty clothes into shower caddy, and get into shower stall. Remove towel and carefully open curtain (only at top) to hang towel on hook.
7. Stand, back up against the shower wall, opposite from shower head, point shower head down and turn on water. If I've situated everything right, only my feet will get that first blast of cold water.
8. When the water is warm enough, I shower as usual.
9. When I'm done showering, I wring the water out of my hair and get as much off of my body as possible. Then I reach out carefully for the towel and dry my hair and my body as well as possible and then wrap the towel around me.
10. Get out of shower stall, put my toiletries on the counter, grab my pyjamas, and head for the handicap stall.
11. In the stall, I dry off some more and put on my pyjamas.
12. Come out of the stall, dry my toiletries off somewhat with my towel and put them back in my caddy.
13. Carry everything back to my room.
Those are my thirteen shower steps. I think I was pretty thorough, although there could very possibly be something I left out.
Rituals: Being a very ritualistic person, there are a lot of new routines that I have developed here at college. I have routine for getting dressed in the morning, a routine for eating in the cafeteria. This is probably something I'll do for the next for years, and in a broader sense, my entire life. I think I'll always be the epitome of a creature of habit.

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